6+ hour, 58+ min ago (92+ words) Our Miserable World At An Unbeatable Price Black Friday Sale. Get The Paper . Tuesday, December 2, 2025 A judge in Missouri resigned after wearing an Elvis Presley wig in court, coming after a disciplinary commission determined he failed to maintain order and decorum. What do you think? "Either wear a full Elvis costume or don't even bother showing up to work." "Little Richard gave me 25 to life." "Yet in England they're required." The stars appreciate your "whistle while you work" philosophy, but pallbearers are typically expected to be silent....

4+ mon, 2+ week ago (57+ words) Become a Member. Get the Paper. Tuesday, July 15, 2025 Sorry, some heat indexes you just want to keep for yourself Free Your Wallet. Shop The Onion Store. (June 21 to July 22): While they can't guarantee things will turn around for you, the stars do offer galaxy credit on any horoscopes returned within 30 days....

6+ mon, 3+ week ago (256+ words) The killer of an Arizona man was sentenced to over 10 years behind bars after his victim spoke to the court via artificial intelligence in what could be the first-of-its-kind use of the technology. What do you think? The post AI Version Of Dead Arizona Man Addresses Killer During Sentencing appeared first on The Onion. The killer of an Arizona man was sentenced to over 10 years behind bars after his victim spoke to the court via artificial intelligence in what could be the first-of-its-kind use of the technology. What do you think? "That's one hell of a surprise witness." "This is exactly why I've pre-recorded my response to being brutally murdered." Michelle Wallis, Circus Historian "That must have been hard to watch without trying to kill him again." Antonio Rossi, Law Proclaimer The post AI Version Of Dead Arizona Man Addresses…...

7+ mon, 3+ week ago (562+ words) WASHINGTON'Warning that even the slightest dent, knick, or scratch'would henceforth be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law,'Attorney General Pam Bondi announced Tuesday that Raymond Pratt, a 54-year-old resident of Chula Vista, CA who bumped a Tesla while parallel parking, had been sentenced to death. "Let me be clear: This man, who'attempted to park [] The post Man Who Bumped Tesla While Parallel Parking Sentenced To Death appeared first on The Onion. WASHINGTON'Warning that even the slightest dent, knick, or scratch would henceforth be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, Attorney General Pam Bondi announced Tuesday that Raymond Pratt, a 54-year-old resident of Chula Vista, CA who bumped a Tesla while parallel parking, had been sentenced to death "Let me be clear: This man, who attempted to park on the street and damaged the front bumper of…...

8+ mon, 4+ week ago (68+ words) Tuesday, March 4, 2025 Victims Deemed Threat To Pro-Gun Legislation FAIRFAX, VA'Calling the young students "the true enemy of gun rights," the National Rifle Association reportedly issued an "F" rating Monday to dead schoolchildren." In a later announcement, Hamlin awarded mass shooters a perfect "A+." (February 19 to March 20): Sometimes help comes from unexpected sources, but don't overthink this one'just call 911....