3+ hour, 42+ min ago  (98+ words) Just had to have your little "outdoor wedding" without a tent, didn't you? Cicadas referred to as "stragglers" because they emerge off-cycle may appear this year despite their broods not being expected to emerge, with scientists unsure how they lose…...

2+ mon, 1+ week ago  (286+ words) WASHINGTON'Praising the tireless efforts of the hundreds of agents who worked around the clock on the case, FBI director Kash Patel announced Friday that after almost two anguishing weeks, Savannah Guthrie had at last been located. "This morning before dawn,…...

3+ mon, 1+ week ago  (282+ words) MILWAUKEE'After instructing his 5-year-old son to imagine a bunch of birthday candles at the other end of the tube, local dad Rick Cerney, 41, reportedly rewarded the child's blow into his car Breathalyzer Monday with a dicey trip to an ice…...

4+ mon, 4+ day ago  (267+ words) WASHINGTON'Citing an urgent need to spruce up the country's drab perimeter, Congress allocated $45 million Tuesday to hang fairy lights along the U. S. border. "This funding will go a long way toward making our great nation even cozier," said Rep. Sam Graves…...

4+ mon, 2+ week ago  (92+ words) Our Miserable World At An Unbeatable Price Black Friday Sale. Get The Paper. Tuesday, December 2, 2025 A judge in Missouri resigned after wearing an Elvis Presley wig in court, coming after a disciplinary commission determined he failed to maintain order and…...

9+ mon, 5+ day ago  (57+ words) Become a Member. Get the Paper. Tuesday, July 15, 2025 Sorry, some heat indexes you just want to keep for yourself Free Your Wallet. Shop The Onion Store. (June 21 to July 22): While they can't guarantee things will turn around for you, the…...

11+ mon, 1+ week ago  (256+ words) The killer of an Arizona man was sentenced to over 10 years behind bars after his victim spoke to the court via artificial intelligence in what could be the first-of-its-kind use of the technology. What do you think? The post AI…...